The Graveyard Shift. Not TOO Bad...yet.

So I'm back from my first night doing the 10p-6a shift as stocknegro at the local toy store.  Well, the hours went faster than I expected, probably because I never stopped fucking moving.  Or opening boxes.  Or breaking down boxes and throwing them out.  I'm sitting here with a goddamn bag of frozen vegetables on my left wrist because I feel like I've had a marathon masturbating session with Kim Kardashian as the model and an unlimited amount of ejaculate.  Ugh.  Sorry, It's 6:30am and I've been up all night so I'm a bit out of it.  In reality, however, my wrist is ridiculously sore from ripping open a million boxes.  Anywho, when I first got there, it dawned on me that I'm an idiot.  For the little money I'm making each week, and the hours I'm dedicating to this idiocy, I could have easily played poker at the casino and reached my goal in 1/4 of the time, and done it tax free.  The Wife just got up and said the same thing.  Ugh.  I'm a fool.  So that's still a possibility. But anyway, the night.

It started out weird.  Just opening boxes.  I thought I was going to have to unload the truck but apparently I'll never have to do that.  Just open boxes.  And put the contents on the shelves.  Today we were short-handed, which meant the boss was riding us to move and get the boxes open quickly.  I started out in the games section.  I was opening games that I had no idea what they were.  Sure they had "Sorry" and "Monopoly", but you should see some of the shit they're marketing to kids.  Games like "Quirkle" and "Blowkus".  If I didn't know better I'd think these were code names for sex moves dudes like to do to other dudes.  Anyway it took a couple hours to get those done and then I moved on to the Blue section, which is where the boys' stuff is.  This is where things got AWESOME.  Holy shit.  Opening every box was like Christmas morning when I was 12, except even more unbelievably cool.  The shit they've got now is so bad ass.  They had shit a ton of Star Wars stuff, light sabers that looked like REAL light sabers, not the plastic looking crap we had in the 80's.  A ton of Hot Wheels tracks that now would take up your whole dining room table, remote control cars like Dodge Vipers and Ford F-150s, and my favorite:

The Todd McFarlane Adrian Peterson action figure.  I was fucking drooling over this thing.  I know he's had a ton of these things out but I'd never seen one in person until last night.  Unreal.  It was pretty neat.  I was in the Boys Section for nearly 4 hours and loved it all.  I did have a 1/2 hour lunch, which I sat with one of my coworkers named "Lester".  I don't know if he is a molester or not, although he lives in the same complex as a boy who went missing and was found in some weeds yesterday, and he said he was there when they found him...so....

Around 4am, things got pretty rough.  I met the first felon of the crew.  We'll call him "Rigger the Wigger".  What a freaking douche this guy was.  Although I'll be honest, I thought if I got too close to him he'd be apt to take one of our store-issued box cutters and run a new vein in a brotha.  By this time we had moved into the freaking kids' section.  I turned the corner into the section and holy shit.  I go, "O...kay." out loud because the aisles were overflowing with boxes to open.  You couldn't even walk without tripping over something.  As I opened them, it was a lot of Fisher Price and Thomas the Tank Engine and this:

LOADS AND LOADS OF SCOOBY DOO SHIT.  I'm guessing they're expecting a run on Black Friday or something because by God they had so much of it, I started swearing.  Everytime I opened a box and saw more of it I said, "Goddammit!" because I knew it wasn't fitting on the shelves.  Plus by this time my wrist was killing me, people were getting tired and pissed and the vibe had changed.  It changed so much that I now know why some of the product you see on the shelves is beat to hell.  Because instead of carefully moving boxes as I was earlier in the night, I just started kicking shit down the aisles, grabbing the actual toy package inside awkwardly and ripping that, and in some cases cutting too deep with the box cutter and slicing right through the toy package.  But I didn't care.  There was so much extra Scooby Doo and so much Dora bullshit that I was getting annoyed.  Then around 5 the boss comes over and asks if we can stay until 7.  Now for those of you who know me, you know there's a certain snide laugh that I do that pretty much says two things, "No fucking way" and "You're out of your fucking mind."  Well, I did that laugh...in my head.  Outwardly I said, "No, I can't."  She seemed disappointed but whatever.  As it turns out me, Felon Boy and Lester the Assumed Molester worked through that section so fast it turned out they didn't need too many people to stay to finish after all.

So that's all I've got because I've got to go to bed, sleep for a few hours, get up, work on a grant proposal all day, and then go back to the boxes from 10p-6a, and after this week I'll probably do one more week and then I'll have enough to play cards with.  I know I should stay but what can you do, right?  You think I should stay don't you.  You think I made a commitment and I should stay even though it's stupid and I can make tax free money another way.  Whatever, I hate you all.  No, I don't.  Sorry, it's just the fatigue talking.  I do hate you though.  Question...does fatigue make you indecisive?  I say it does.  Or not.